


Making Memories

by LibbyWeasley



Category: Agents of S.H.I.E.L.D. (TV)
Genre: Angst with a Happy Ending, F/M, I promise, Memory Loss, Very happy ending, jemma finds fitz, sad jemma, season 6, supportive team
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-05-09
Updated: 2019-09-07
Packaged: 2020-02-28 18:02:02
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 7
Words: 13,370
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/18761563
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/LibbyWeasley/pseuds/LibbyWeasley
Summary: Jemma finds Fitz, but their reunion doesn't quite go the way Jemma thought it would. Fitz may not have his memories, but that isn't going to stop him from falling in love with her all over again.





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> So I apparently started writing this in August. I guess I got a little distracted, but I wanted to start posting this before season 6 actually starts. I have 7 chapters mapped out for this one.
> 
> Thanks to @blancasplayground for being awesome!

In the end, it hadn’t been difficult to locate Fitz. In her panic and grief Jemma made a vow to herself that she would spend the rest of her life trying to find him if that’s what it took. He had never given up on her and she wouldn’t give up on him either. But rather than decades or years, the time it had taken to find him could better be measured in weeks. With Hunter’s help, part of their fractured team had set out to find Enoch’s ship. The Chronicom had been exactly where they expected to find him and when Davis signaled the ship they were allowed to board right away. 

Which was why Jemma was now standing next to Daisy in an empty, grey room with her heart thumping wildly. She tried to take a deep breath and found her chest too tight, so she busied herself picking at imaginary bits of fuzz on her clothing instead. 

“It’s going to be okay, Jemma,” Daisy said comfortingly, putting an arm around her shoulder. “We found him. Now you two can have a happy ending to your story.”

Jemma tried to smile at her friend, but her muscles were too tense to obey her. “I wish it were that simple.”

“Fitz isn’t going to care about anything but the fact that you are here.” Daisy was rubbing circles on Jemma’s back like a mother trying to console her child. It was a strange sort of role reversal for the two of them. “Nothing else will matter to him. You can relax, the hard part is over.”

But Jemma couldn’t relax. Not until she had him back, safely, on earth and the two of them were far away from SHIELD. She had enough time to think through all of the possibilities to realize that the only way for them to truly be together was to let SHIELD go. There was no way to be loyal to SHIELD while also keeping the promises they had made to each other — or at least the promises she hoped to make with this Fitz. Intellectually she understood the enormity of changing the path they had been on since they were 16. But they had already experienced a lifetime of pain and loss. She wanted to start a new chapter with Fitz. One that included a family, and not the constant fear of losing him. She just hoped he agreed. 

She tried to shake all of those thoughts loose from her head. None of that mattered until she had him back, really and truly. This feeling of being so close but still so far was worse than everything she had felt up until this point. Because until today she had the comfort of knowing he was out there somewhere. Waiting for her. Now, he was just on the other side of the wall, encased in the pod that would have brought him all the way to the future. Now he was real. Solid, but also breakable. Which meant she could lose him. For good. 

A tear slid down her cheek and she swiped at it before Daisy could see.

Enoch was in the next room, preparing the cryopod and he silently reentered the room. 

“Jemma Simmons. Daisy Johnson.” Enoch looked at each of them in turn. His careful monotone voice was almost a comfort to Jemma at this point. She was beginning to feel claustrophobic in the sterile space. 

“You should know there may be...unintended consequences of reversing the process.” His words were even, but they tore at Jemma’s heart. They were so close to happiness, but dread kept clawing away at the joy she felt at the impending reunion. 

When she didn’t answer, too mired down in the weight of her thoughts to expend the energy needed to respond, Daisy spoke up. “We’ll risk it,” she said, turning to Jemma for confirmation. 

Her brain finally catching up with exchange, Jemma choked out, “Consequences? What kind of consequences?”

Enoch turned to her. “I do not know, Jemma Simmons. Neurological damage is possible. Humans react to everything differently. There is no way to be sure.”

Jemma just stood there, tears wet on her cheeks, not knowing what to say. Once again, Daisy saved her from having to answer. 

“Fitz made it to the future. He woke up...and he was fine. Well, he was still himself at least.” Daisy nodded at Enoch, a frown tugging down the corners of her mouth, as if everything was settled. 

Jemma thought for a moment, wondering if this was all a mistake. Should she risk waking him now, not knowing what the consequences of that action would be? Or would it be better to wait? To do some research and see if she could better anticipate what he might experience and be prepared. 

But she wanted him back so badly. She wanted this to be over. She wanted her husband...or her boyfriend. Whoever he was right now, he was Fitz, and she needed him so they could figure the rest of it out together. 

“Did he know? Before he went in?” She kept her voice low, but even then she could hear the quiet desperation in it. 

“Agent Fitz was aware that there might be repercussions. He said getting to you was the only thing that mattered.”

Enoch was looking at her expectantly. Or she assumed it was expectantly, because his expression hadn’t really changed. All she could do was nod her head a single time, the weight of one more decision pressing down on her. 

Enoch waved his hand for the two of them to follow and led them into a second chamber where she could see Fitz’s face through the frosty window of the pod. With a series of taps on the control panel, Enoch reversed the process and the pod began to stabilize at the ambient temperature. 

Within minutes there was a hiss as the seal broke on the pod and Enoch eased it open, assisting the occupant to sitting and then helping him out of the pod entirely. 

Daisy was squeezing Jemma’s hand so tightly she felt bones pressing together. At a glance from Jemma she must have realized what she was doing and pulled her hand away, using it to wipe at her eyes. 

But Jemma didn’t have time to worry about Daisy, because Fitz was here, right in front of her. He was talking to Enoch, words she couldn’t hear and wouldn’t have cared about even if she could. He looked wonderful. Better than wonderful. 

He saw her standing there and smiled. That perfect smile that felt like it was just for her. He looked like he wanted to say something, but she didn’t give him a chance before launching herself into his arms. She was so happy and blissfully free in this moment. He was alive. He was here. And he was fine. Everything was just fine. 

She held onto him tightly, and the momentum she brought to the hug forced him to wrap his arms around her quickly or risk losing his balance. She clung to him for a moment, but then she needed to see him again. She stepped back and tried to take all of him in, but the tears in her eyes kept making his face go blurry. 

She blinked her eyes a few times to clear her vision and saw him smiling at her again. 

“I’m sorry. You look upset.” He had let her go and was looking towards Enoch, as if hoping for some assistance. 

“I’m okay, Fitz, everything is okay now,” she said through her tears.

He frowned at her, a little crease appearing between his eyes. “I’m sorry,” he said again, “but who are you?”

His voice was the same, but everything else was very wrong. Jemma thought she heard Daisy gasp, but then her legs stopped holding her upright and she crumpled to the floor.


	2. Chapter 2

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Fitz is safe, but life at the Lighthouse is more confusing than ever for Jemma.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry this took me so long. Angst is hard. But Fitz already has heart eyes around her, so it shouldn't take too long for things to get much, much better.
> 
> Thanks to @blancasplayground for making this so much better <3

Jemma struggled to open her eyes, unsure why she was on an exam table, when everything came rushing back to her. She tried to sit up, but Elena was there gently pushing her back down and making soothing noises. 

Eyes scanning the room for the one person she wanted to see more than anyone else, she asked, “Fitz?”

The room was dim and unfamiliar. Her eyes finally fell on Enoch, standing beside Elena with the same inscrutable look on his face that he always seemed to have.

“Agent Fitz has completely recovered from the unfreezing process. He appears to have only lost his declarative memory.”

“All he forgot is me,” Jemma muttered, feeling tears threatening again. But she held them back. Tears didn’t solve anything, and she wasn’t sure she had the energy anymore. What she needed now was to get to her lab. She could figure this out. 

“Not just you, Jemma Simmons. He has forgotten his entire life.”

Jemma choked on a sob she forced back down and covered her eyes, trying to regulate her breathing. 

“You aren’t helping,” Elena snapped at Enoch. “I can stay with her.”

“Very well,” Enoch responded with a nod, completely unperturbed by Elena’s tone. 

The door slid closed behind Enoch and Jemma felt the seconds tick by as she continued to force air into her lungs like nothing had changed. 

“What happened? After…” The words trailed off, as if saying them out loud was too much.

“Daisy called for help and when I got there you were on the floor. Fitz caught you when you fell. Then we brought you in here and Enoch examined you.”

Jemma nodded, biting her lip. 

“How are you feeling?”

“I’m fine.”

“No, you aren’t,” Elena said with a sad smile. “You haven’t been taking care of yourself and now you’re in shock.”

But Jemma’s brain was already running through the scenarios. Fitz was alive. That was the most important thing. 

“Amnesia must be a side effect of the unfreezing.” Elena didn’t respond so she continued thinking out loud. “It makes sense that the brain would be impacted...”

Jemma was silent for a minute, staring at the wall, but not really seeing it. 

“And?” prompted Elena. 

“And, well...and we’ll just have to see what happens. It might only be temporary.”

Footsteps echoed around the quiet space and Jemma turned her gaze towards Daisy, who was looking concerned.

“There you are! Are you feeling better?” It was Daisy. 

“Of course,” Jemma said, pushing herself up. “Fitz is alive and we can take him home.”

She tried to force her lips into a smile, but from the look on Daisy’s face she wasn’t entirely sure she succeeded. 

“We just have to make everything as normal for him as possible.”

Daisy and Elena exchanged a look. 

“You want us to just pretend it’s all okay?” Daisy asked. 

“Yes,” Jemma chewed at her lower lip. “It has to be alright.”

“Jemma…” Elena started to say something and Jemma cut her off before she could get any words out. 

“It is the best thing for him. Just treat him like nothing has changed and his memories should come back.” They had to. The alternative was unthinkable.

“If they come back,” Elena said under her breath. 

Tears pricked at the corners of her eyes again at the words, but Jemma swallowed down the fear that things would never be right again. She had survived so much, she could survive this too. They would figure this out, and in the meantime she’d just have to try to remember that things were different now.

* * *

She pretended everything was the same, smiling whenever someone looked her way, and throwing herself into her work. When they returned to the Lighthouse she found the lab in complete disarray and spent long hours putting everything to rights and getting caught up on the research she had missed. 

She was busy, that was all. It wasn’t that she was avoiding him. 

Except that she was. The rest of the team had welcomed him back with all the enthusiasm she wished she could muster, showing him around the Lighthouse and smiling with pride whenever he said something seemed familiar. But all she could do was watch from a distance and focus on the one thing she could depend on — science. 

But her thoughts, as they had for the past 15 years, somehow found their way to Fitz. She had been so focused on finding him that she hadn’t thought about where they would go from here. Other than away from SHIELD. But without his memories, they were basically strangers and now she clung to the familiar, unsure if leaving was still the best idea. Unsure what the best path for her was. Unsure what the best thing for Fitz was. Unsure if she had a say in that given the circumstances. Wasn’t everything that had happened to him since they went into the field her fault? She was the one who convinced him it was the opportunity of a lifetime after all. 

Turning quickly from the lab bench to begin analyzing the unknown sample she was working on, she let out a yelp as she crashed into another person. 

Fitz. 

Her heart beat faster. He was solid and warm. And so close. It was almost as if...

His hand closed over hers for a second before the sample was safely removed from her grasp — like he had done thousands of times before — and placed it into the mass spectrometer. 

“Jemma.”

His voice was low and the way he said her name sent so many memories crashing through her — none of them appropriate for the lab or for a man who didn’t know her. 

Inhaling sharply, she said, “You actually call me Simmons.”

“Oh. I, ah…”

Jemma risked a glance up at his face and the blue of his eyes made all the air disappear from her lungs. She could almost see the love there, but that must have been her imagination. It was all so much more than she remembered. 

“Simmons. Sorry.” He straightened, a blush spreading over his cheeks. “I just thought if we were married I would have called you by your first name.”

His eyes roved over her as she collected her thoughts. It was the same way she had seen him observing everything on the base, looking for something familiar. But she wasn’t letting herself hope that he’d find it. If she did her heart would keep breaking over and over again. 

“Oh, yes, well...you did. Just not...not in the lab.”

That wasn’t strictly true, but he wouldn’t know the difference. And it would be better to re-establish a professional relationship rather than lusting after him just because he looked at her and said her name like that. 

“Oh.”

There were a few beats of silence between them before Jemma remembered she should say something and not just stare at him like she was afraid of never seeing him again. 

“Can I help you with something?” she asked, not quite sure why he was in the lab. 

His gaze was on her lips and it took him a moment to answer her. 

“The director, well, Mack, asked me to help out in the lab.” Fitz bent his head forward slightly, his hand pressing on the back of his neck. “Something familiar...and, ah, you are here.”

Jemma just stared back at him as the hum of the lab equipment filled her ears. Fitz. Here. In the lab.

“Of course.”

She bit her lip and glanced around. 

“I guess I could —“

“I’m just analyzing some samples —“

They were speaking over each other instead of finishing each other’s sentences, blurting out words to fill the silence. It felt so strange to be this out of sync with him and it hit her as an almost physical thing.

“I could help,” Fitz offered with a smile. “It feels right to be here. With you.”

The lab felt hot all of the sudden and the air was too heavy to breathe. She didn’t want him so close when she was still confused. But she didn’t want him to leave either. 

Forcing a smile, she looked straight into his eyes again, better prepared for the rush of emotions this time. 

“I’m just trying to determine the molecular composition of the 084 Agent May recovered. That’s an object of unknown —“

“—origin. I know.” Fitz gave a little laugh at what must clearly be a look of surprise on her face. “I’ve been learning, or relearning actually, so that I could help you. I understand why you might not have wanted me in your way.”

“Oh, Fitz...it isn’t that.”

He stepped closer. Entirely too close. But in reality he was no closer than he had been through all the years of their friendship. They had never worried about personal space in the lab. 

“Then what is it?” 

His voice was low again and she couldn’t control the small shiver that ran down her spine. 

“It’s just…” She exhaled a sharp breath and tried again. “It’s just that there is so much you don’t remember.”

Fitz opened his mouth to say something so she continued on before he could stop the words. 

“And maybe there are things you would be better off forgetting.” That wasn’t what she had meant to say, but that didn’t make it any less true. Maybe Fitz was better off not knowing about everything that had happened. He had a chance to start over. 

He studied her for a moment, one hand restless as he drummed his fingers across the lab bench. “I was actually hoping you’d help me remember.”

“Me?” Her voice was entirely too high. She couldn’t do this. 

“Yeah.” His hand scrubbed across the back of his neck in a familiar gesture and her heart squeezed a bit. “It feels different when I’m around you. You make me want to remember.”

Jemma closed her eyes. She couldn’t do this. Not yet. She knew she owed it to him. He had been willing to sacrifice everything because of her. But what if it was different? What if he remembered and didn’t feel the same way he did before? What if he never remembered and she was stuck with nothing but her own memories? She didn’t know which one was worse. 

“I..I…” His smile was too bright and all the sudden it was too much. 

“I'm sorry. I can't do this. Excuse me,” she said as calmly as she could and fled the lab. 

When she finally reached her room she sank down onto the bed, exhausted. Having Fitz back was wonderful, but having him so close was an entirely new sort of torture. And his desire to spend time with her only intensified her feelings of inadequacy. She didn’t know how to fix this, and the one person she had always depended on was the one she owed this debt to. She got up and went to look for someone to talk to. If there was anyone who might understand her conflicted feelings, it was Daisy.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'd love to hear from you. You can find me on tumblr @LibbyWeasley


	3. Chapter 3

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Uncertain how she can help Fitz, Jemma takes some time to talk to Daisy to try to sort out her feelings.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Extra special thanks to @blancasplayground for helping me figure out what was bothering Jemma, and for her endless encouragement.

Resolved to do something other than hide in her room, Jemma walked through the halls of the Lighthouse in search of Daisy. If there was anyone who would understand her confusion over Fitz, it would be Daisy. Aside from herself, Daisy had known Fitz the longest out of the remaining team, and while Daisy had a complicated relationship with him now, she was Jemma’s closest confidant and could help her figure this out. Sometimes science required an outside perspective to make things clear. 

But as she walked through the dim, concrete halls another thought occurred to her. She was trying to figure out how to handle _this_ Fitz, like he wasn’t still himself. The truth of the matter was that she had known Fitz so long that he wasn’t just one person in her mind. 

Her footsteps slowed and she was suddenly glad she was alone. 

She could picture Fitz as the shy, pasty boy she had first met all those years ago. But he was also a brave and brilliant scientist, a loyal friend, and the confident man she had married. So many versions of him that all made one big picture. It didn’t make sense to try to separate them in her mind because Fitz was still Fitz. Her friend. Her husband. Her home. But it still felt like she was missing something. 

Maybe he had been right when he had thrown those words in her face so long ago. She _was_ scared. 

Somehow her feet kept moving in the right direction and she found Daisy working with Elena and Piper. When they saw her all three women fell silent. Jemma wondered for a second if they had been talking about Fitz — or about her — but decided it didn’t really matter. 

“Hey Jemma!” Piper called from across the room. 

The others echoed the greeting and Jemma responded automatically, her eyes connecting with Daisy’s in a silent plea. 

“Wanna talk?” Daisy asked casually as Elena and Piper slipped from the room, offering obviously fake excuses for needing to leave so quickly. Jemma was grateful nonetheless. 

“I need help,” she said, feeling deflated now that she had achieved her goal. 

“With what? I thought you’d be happy to have Fitz back in the lab,” Daisy said cautiously. “You were the one who wanted things to be as normal as possible.”

It had been Daisy’s idea, then. The pieces starting fitting into place. 

“What did you tell him?”

“Just everything I knew about him — and the two of you — since we first met.”

“Daisy —“ Jemma’s voice came out little more than a squeak, but she couldn’t bring herself to care. 

“Look, Jemma, he deserves to know.”

“But what if...what if too much has happened? Fitz doesn’t have to remember all of the bad things that happened. What about the Doctor? And the Framework? I think you of all people would —“

“Jemma,” Daisy broke in gently, laying a comforting hand on her shoulder before pulling her into a hug. “He doesn’t remember anything. It’s like none of that happened to him.”

Jemma pulled back and gave Daisy a skeptical look. 

“I mean it. I’ve spent a lot of time with him. He’s exactly like the guy I met a lifetime ago on the Bus. He’s sweet, and thoughtful, and crazy about you.” Jemma huffed out a breath, but Daisy went on like she hadn’t heard. “And it just reminded me that there is no point in blaming him — or anyone — for the past. All we can do is move forward.”

Jemma turned over Daisy’s words, not sure what to do next. 

“You know, yesterday he offered to upgrade my gauntlets.” Daisy let out a little laugh and then sighed when Jemma didn’t react. “Inside he’s the Fitz who welcomed me to the team on my first day.”

“Daisy! He was trying to hit on you.”

Daisy smiled. “Yeah, but he did a terrible job at it because he was already in love with you. You should give him a chance. You two are inevitable, and you deserve a little happiness after...everything.”

“Do we?” Jemma furrowed her brow. Fitz was the one she normally talked things through with, but it felt like it had been so long since they’d been able to do that. “After everything...well, I’m just not sure that’s the best thing. What if those experiences he doesn’t remember are what brought us together? What if he’s...a different person? What if we aren’t _inevitable_?”

Daisy’s arms wrapped around her in a tight hug. “Jemma,” she whispered, “that isn’t true.”

“Isn't it? I don’t even know anymore,” she said miserably. “I’m the one that dragged him into this. He would be safe in a lab somewhere if it wasn’t for me.”

Daisy snorted and Jemma started to feel annoyed. She was trying to have a serious conversation and Daisy was dismissing her concerns like they were nothing. But annoyance was better than sadness. 

“He might be safe, but I doubt he’d be happy. And I don’t think he is the problem here.”

Jemma sighed. She’s really thought Daisy would understand her better. They’d been friends a long time, after all. “Of course this is about Fitz.”

“Oh, yeah, it’s definitely about Fitz. But he isn’t the problem. He wants to remember. It’s you.” Daisy studied her for a minute and then added, “Do you not want to be with him anymore?”

“Of course I do!” The words were torn from her throat before she could help herself. Letting go of Fitz wasn’t something she _wanted_ to do. It just felt like maybe it was something she _should_ do. 

“Then there’s no problem.”

“But—“

Daisy cut her off before she could get another word out. “He dove through a hole in the universe for you, almost died to save you, froze himself and traveled to the future. And you’ve done just as much for him. I’m not giving up on you two and you shouldn’t either.”

“It’s just that I have a lifetime of memories that he doesn’t share anymore. All of those things you just mentioned are just stories to him. He doesn’t remember living them. I was only prepared to have a few weeks’ worth of memories that we didn’t share, not every moment since we first met.”

Daisy didn’t say anything, just let her think things through. 

“I’m just sad, frustrated, and angry...and scared.”

“Scared of Fitz?” Daisy sounded confused and Jemma didn’t blame her. 

“Scared of losing him again. Scared of who I’ll become if I do. I mean, what’s the point of saving the world if we just lose ourselves?”

“I’m really not the person to talk to about relationships, but the two of you have something special. Hell, Fitz is halfway in love with you and you’ve hardly spoken to him. Even without his memories he can see the connection you have. It’s okay to let yourself be happy, Jemma.”

Jemma wasn’t sure she completely believed that, but maybe it would be alright to try.

* * *

Jemma walked back to the lab. Faster now that she had a plan. There was no harm in spending time with Fitz. They had spent most of their relationship as friends anyway. She could do that. She could be his friend and then decide if she could risk her heart again. 

When she entered the lab she was surprised to see that Fitz was still there, fiddling with something she couldn’t quite see. She had expected him to be gone after she ran away like that. But it was just like Fitz to wait for her. 

“Hi,” she said quietly as he looked up at the sound of her footsteps on the tiled floor. 

“Hi Jemma.” 

She let herself relax a little bit at the look on his face, open and clearly happy to see her, and instead of the panic she had been feeling at his nearness, she let herself take comfort in his presence. 

“I didn’t think you’d still be here.” She took a few steps closer so she was standing beside him. “What are you working on?”

Now that she could see his hands more clearly she could tell he was taking apart the I.C.E.R. she was trying to upgrade. She had created a new formula for the dendrotoxin, but it wasn’t quite working with the old mechanism. 

“Oh, I was just seeing how this worked.” He set the pieces down on the workbench. “Did you make this?”

Jemma was surprised for a second and then realized she shouldn’t be. No matter how natural it looked for him to be working on the I.C.E.R., he still didn’t remember. 

“No,” she said, picking up one of the pieces be had just set down. “You did. Or, really, we did it together.”

Gathering her courage she looked him in the eye. “I did the biochem and you did the engineering.”

“Really?” He seemed inordinately pleased by that fact. “It seems like we made a pretty good team.”

“Of course we did! We’re twice as smart together.”

Fitz didn’t say anything then and she turned the cool metal over in her hand. His fingers tapped against the table in a nervous gesture as she watched him, and she realized he was waiting for her to make the next move. 

So she made it. 

“I am actually having trouble getting the new dendrotoxin — that’s what we use to make it non-lethal — to work with the old design. I think the mechanism needs to be a little smaller.” She took a deep breath before taking the plunge. “Would you be able to take a look at the design?”

“I’d love to,” he responded looking deep into her eyes, and with the way her whole body started to feel warm at his words, it was like he’d just said ‘I love you.’

It had been early afternoon when they started working and by the time they finished, it was long past dinnertime. Jemma hadn’t even noticed the time passing until she heard Fitz’s stomach rumble. It wasn’t quite their old rhythm, but it was something. And she far preferred working with him to anyone else. 

“You must be hungry.”

Fitz looked embarrassed. “No, I’m alright. I just want to finish this.”

She smiled at him fondly. No matter how much science brought them together, she had never known Fitz to skip a meal. 

“Fitz...we can eat and then come back.”

“Yeah?” He looked up from where he was fitting the metal together. 

“Of course.”

“Alright. I really am hungry. I just didn’t want to stop if…” His words trailed off as if he didn’t know how to finish that particular thought. 

“If?” she prompted. 

“It’s just that this is the most I’ve felt like I’ve belonged since you woke me up. I don’t want this to end.”

“Oh, Fitz. It won’t end. This is what we do.” She shook her head. “This is what we’ve done since we were 16. I know Daisy told you about everything that happened since we met her.”

Fitz had the courtesy to look slightly embarrassed. “About that...I had a few questions.”

Jemma could guess some of the things he might have questions about. Daisy’s version of events might be a little different from her own. 

“I can tell you what really happened. From when we met at the Academy. If you want,” she offered, a question in her tone. 

“Yeah. That would be great.” His stomach rumbled again, more loudly this time. “But maybe we can get dinner, too?”

Jemma laughed, and she couldn’t remember the last time she felt like she could laugh. That she had any reason to. 

“Of course we can.”

She waited until after they had gotten their food and found a spot where they wouldn’t be disturbed before starting to tell him everything about their lives together. 

“Well, it all started with dielectric polarization…”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks for sticking with this through the angst! That part should be coming to an end now :)
> 
> I'd love to hear what you think. You can find me on tumblr @LibbyWeasley.


	4. Chapter 4

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Fitz gives Jemma some space to work out her feelings. But maybe that isn't what she wants after all.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> As always, a shoutout to @blancasplayground who is the world's best enabler :)

After their talk things shifted between them again. Fitz was still there, working in the lab and trying to get his memories back by spending time with different members of the team, but he seemed to understand her need for space a little bit better. Hearing the entire story of their lives -- most of it anyway -- all at once had probably been overwhelming for him. If he even believed half of it. She wasn’t sure she would have if their roles had been reversed.

It was a relief in some ways to have the pressure off of her. But in other ways it was a little disappointing that the truth about their lives and their relationship was all it took for him to run away from her. She was being silly, she knew. Her entire reluctance to starting things again was that maybe he would be better off without her. Without all the trauma, without all the pain. But now that he could see that as well, she recognized just how much she needed him in her life. Fitz had been the one to express the thought out loud, but maybe she wasn’t strong enough to live in a world without him either.

He had been spending more time with Deke, though no one had actually told him who Deke was. They weren’t best friends, exactly, but certainly friendly. They had so much in common, able to see things in a way other people couldn’t. And, yes, sometimes willing to do the wrong thing for the right reasons. She could see them clearly and still knew they were the most important, most wonderful part of her life.

As if her thoughts had summoned them, Fitz and Deke walked into the lab together. Deke greeted Jemma with a quick hug and Fitz smiled at her from across the room.

“We were just talking about how to code a simulated reality,” Deke said in an undertone.

Jemma gave him a look that had him taking a step back and raising his hands as if in surrender. She had shared what had happened in the original Framework as a cautionary tale. Not to give him more ideas. 

“We aren’t going to cause any trouble.”

“It isn’t the things you can see are wrong that are the problem. It’s the things that seem like they won’t hurt anyone but do.”

Worry creased her forehead for a second before her mind cleared. This was different. Everything was different. They had already won that battle. She should take her own advice. It wasn’t the things she could see that were the biggest threats. It was the things she could never expect. But she was a scientist. She should be able to predict things, make hypotheses, draw conclusions. Letting out a sigh, she turned back to her work as Deke went to join Fitz on the other side of the lab. Maybe she should just stick to science. Her greatest fears and weaknesses came from caring more about Fitz than about science and truth. But he’d been a constant in her life for so long, an integral part of the equation that made up her existence. Without him, the solution would change and her life would go down a path that was different in so many crucial ways.

And that wasn’t really an option.

She realized she was staring at Fitz again when he looked up and gave her a ghost of a smile. It was probably time to stop dancing around the distance between them. Living without him wasn’t something that was actually going to happen. Everyone else seemed to know that already. As always, she was the last to accept the inevitable. 

Deke was talking animatedly and Fitz nodded slowly as he followed Deke’s train of thought.

The computer beeped with an alert that Daisy had sent more data. She should be out in the field herself, but she was overwhelmed in the lab as it was. Whatever the team was tracking right now, it wasn’t something they had seen before. Right now she wasn’t even sure if it was Inhuman, alien, or something else entirely. Adding the new data into what she had already pieced together, she set about updating the model.

Eventually Jemma stood, stretching her back and rolling her shoulders, noticing how stiff she was from sitting. There was a tapping sound coming from across the lab and Jemma smiled. Fitz was still there. She went to stand beside him, wondering what he was still working on. It must have been hours since Deke left the two of them alone.

Sensing her presence, he looked up, a slight frown creasing his features.

“What are you working on?”

“Oh, I’m just trying to incorporate some of Deke’s suggestions. He has some really good ideas.” Fitz stood up beside her, stretching in the same way she just had. They were obviously working too hard. “I’m surprised he doesn’t work with you in the lab. I can’t quite figure out what his role here is.”

Jemma had to stop herself from laughing. “Oh, well, he is still new here. Trying to find his place and all that.”

“So…”

“So.” Jemma tilted her head, enjoying his discomfort a little bit. He was never this uncomfortable unless he was going to make a move.

“Dinner?”

“Dinner would be lovely.”

He seemed surprised by how easily her answer came.

“Just to clarify, I meant dinner with me.”

“Of course. Did you want to go out somewhere? Get out of the base for a bit?”

After weeks of uncertainty she couldn’t really blame him for not understanding her change of heart. But right now her heart was beating faster in her chest and she couldn’t just stand here waiting for him to answer.

“Come on, Fitz. Let’s get you some dinner.”

* * *

Seated across from each other at the small table, Fitz thought he’d never seen her look so beautiful — that he could remember. And he’d never felt so out of place.

“What’s wrong, Fitz?”

Her brown eyes held a depth of understanding, like she wouldn’t be surprised if he tried to bolt.

“Have we...have we done this before? I feel like I should remember.”

“Yes, but not exactly like this. Normally, we only have time to get away when something in our lives has gone horribly wrong.”

“So kinda exactly like this.”

She smiled at that and they both pretended everything was fine, but he could tell something was still missing. It was strange. She felt like the most real thing in his life, but also the most distant. Except now he wasn’t sure which one of them was holding back. This had been her idea. To go out. To spend time together.

And now he wasn’t sure. He was sure of her, of course. There was no one he’d rather be with. But was he the best thing for her? She had this whole life he knew nothing about. A life he used to be a part of. Maybe he could be a part of it again. It certainly seemed like they were getting on well enough. And she had invited him to dinner — at a nice restaurant with cloth napkins and dim lighting.

It sounded like they had survived worse than this and if she was willing to try, then he should just trust her. He knew he was the luckiest guy in the world to be here with her.

So they made slightly awkward small talk through appetizers and the main course. It was more work than he thought it would be, not like how they worked in the lab at all. She was avoiding talking about the past which greatly limited their conversational topics since their present mostly consisted of working in a top-secret bunker. He had watched a documentary that he was able to tell her about, and she had been training with Daisy, but by the time they were ready to order dessert, their conversation had basically fizzled.

He was just about to suggest they skip dessert and head back when Jemma’s phone buzzed.

“It’s Mack.”

“Must be important,” he observed, silently thanking Mack for the interruption.

“It looks like an emergency. We have to head back.” 

Fitz signaled the waiter for their check and tried not to be disappointed by the look of relief on Jemma’s face. 

Check paid and outside, walking back to the base, Fitz hurried to keep up to Jemma’s quick pace.

“Can I help?” Fitz was eager to show her that despite how things went tonight, they could still be good together.

“I think you’ll have to. This is beyond my expertise.”

“It might be beyond mine too,” he said with a wince.

“No, it isn’t.” She stopped suddenly. “You designed the containment pod.”

“Oh, well, I don’t remember.” He knew he sounded grumpy, but why did she keep making him repeat that?

“It’s all inside here,” she said, pointing to his temple. “I’ll help you.”

Something familiar surged through him. A feeling he thought was love.

They started walking again and made their way back to the base, shedding any remaining vestiges of their date — he thought he could call it that — and started discussing what needed to be done. 

“I never thought they’d need us tonight or I wouldn’t have left.”

“It’s alright, Jemma. No one blames you.” He put a hand on her shoulder to comfort her. “Mack didn’t think they’d find him tonight either. You couldn’t have known.”

“Still…” 

They walked into the lab and Jemma went straight towards his workstation. Fitz trailed behind, still uncertain about what was happening. It was nice that she was so confident, but he was a little worried about disappointing her. 

“Fitz…”

Jemma looked up and he hurried towards her. 

“Yeah, right. What do we need to do?”

“You just need to reprogram the pod.” Jemma turned the screen towards him and he saw that it had all the information they had on what the team now thought was an alien threat. “Here is everything we know...and the good thing is it doesn’t look like they have any special powers, so if you just calculate for potential increased speed and strength, that should be enough.”

Jemma looked at him expectantly and his fingers reached for the tablet showing the settings. 

“Just, right there...” Jemma started. 

But he closed his eyes and shook his head before taking a deep breath. Even though he couldn’t have explained what he was doing or why, his hands knew what to do. Some sort of muscle memory?

His fingers moved over the tablet, making the adjustments. Jemma was hovering right over his shoulder, occasionally making a small noise before he entered a value. 

He could hear the voices coming through the comms becoming increasingly louder and more urgent. 

“How’s the containment pod coming?” It was Mack’s voice. 

“Almost there,” Jemma responded as Fitz hit the final button. “Done.”

He held his breath as they waited. 

“We got him,” Daisy’s voice crackled through the comms. “Thanks for the assist, FitzSimmons.”

Fitz felt a rush of pride. This was the first time he’d actually be able to do something useful. It felt good to be part of the team. He reached for Jemma and saw her small smile. 

“You knew how to do it the whole time, didn’t you?” he asked as the realization dawned on him. 

“Maybe.” Her hand reached for his. “I might have seen you do it before. But that doesn’t change the fact that _you_ did it.”

She looked happy. The happiest he’d ever seen her. Except it wasn’t. He knew that look. 

Acting on instinct his hands went to her face and his lips met hers. He immediately started doubting his decision and tried to move away from her, but as soon as their lips parted Jemma followed him a step back and threaded her fingers through his hair, returning her lips to his. 

She was warm and felt so good in his arms. His hands dropped to her hips and dragged her closer. He couldn’t get close enough. 

Her tongue brushed his lips and he opened his mouth to her. He could taste the wine she’d had with dinner and something that was just all Jemma. Desire raced through him as she responded to him so eagerly, pushing him up against the wall and molding their bodies together. 

It felt so natural, so right.

But once they parted, breath coming fast, a weight settled between them. 

Jemma’s hand was still resting on his shoulder and he took it in his, pressing a kiss to her knuckles.

“I’m sorry.”

Jemma looked at him questioningly. 

“I know I’m not him —“

“But you are. Don’t you see?”

Fitz ran a hand through his hair and turned away from her. 

“I don’t know what I did to make you kiss me like that. I just— I don’t know.”

“Fitz…”

But he couldn’t bear to look at the disappointment that must be on her face and made his way from the lab.

As he left he heard her say softly, “It was just you being you.”

That only made him feel worse. Because he didn’t know how to be the guy she fell in love with.


	5. Chapter 5

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> After kissing Jemma, Fitz tries to sort through his thoughts and ends up in the middle of video game therapy with Mack.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Beta'd by the fabulous @blancasplayground!
> 
> This chapter has some of my favorite things -- FitzMack brotp, Deke and Fitz getting along, and drunk Fitz. I hope you enjoy <3

No matter how strong his resolve, it was like kissing her had opened the floodgates in his mind. He could picture every second of the kiss — the way she had moved, the feel of her body, how it felt to cling to her like she was his port in the storm swirling around them. But it also put other images in his head. Kissing her in a bright lab. Making love in a big bed, her hands freezing but her embrace warm. Craving her touch. Stolen moments together when it felt like there was no one except the two of them. His mind was obviously able to create complex fantasies from very little source material. 

Unless those were actual memories. But that was almost harder to believe. She was incredible and he was...well, he didn’t really know, but for some reason she loved him. 

He tried not to think about running away from her after that kiss. Probably not his smoothest move. Though she didn’t chase after him, so it was possible she wasn’t surprised. 

Maybe he needed to figure out who he was first. He had thought that he could just slip right back into his life. Be a part of the team. Be a husband. But that was proving harder than he imagined. He wanted it more than anything. Wanted her. But he was also afraid of letting her down. Was that who he was? The guy that let her down? That was an uncomfortable thought. 

His musings had led him through the labyrinth-like hallways of the Lighthouse until he emerged in one of the common areas. Fitz wasn’t sure if his subconscious had led him there or if it was completely coincidental, but the hours that had passed since the mission had been completed meant that everyone should be asleep by now. So it was a surprise to see Mack and Deke seated in front of a large TV with controllers in their hands. 

Fitz paused, contemplating what to do next. He had almost decided to backtrack before he was noticed when Mack looked up. 

“Hey, Turbo. Can’t sleep?”

Fitz stepped closer to the large leather couch. 

“Yeah. Something like that.” Fitz raised his hands to gesture and couldn’t decide what he’d meant to do, so he put his hands down again. “Just...just thinking.”

Deke was still madly tapping on the controller and it wasn’t until he finished the game that he looked up. 

“Hi, Fitz. Did you want to play? You can take my place.”

“Deke just can’t hang,” Mack said, and Deke made a face. 

“Yeah. Sure.” 

His palms felt a little sweaty and he wiped them on his trousers, realizing then that he was still dressed for his date with Jemma. Bloody hell, that felt like a lifetime ago. 

As he settled down beside Deke, Mack gave him a serious look. “Nice work today, Fitz. You really saved us there.”

“Oh, ah, that was Jemma.”

Mack raised an eyebrow as he hit the start button. “That’s not what Simmons said. She said you were the one who programmed the pod.”

Fitz stared at the screen. The only thing that was clear to him at this point was that he was playing some sort of shooting game. But as had happened earlier that evening, his hands went on auto-pilot and he starting hitting buttons. The right buttons, apparently. 

“Well, I guess… _technically_ , but she was there the whole time ready to do it if I couldn’t.”

“I’m gonna grab another Zima,” Deke called, getting up to walk to the fridge. “You guys want one.”

“Sure,” Fitz said automatically, even though he could see Mack shaking his head out of the corner of his eye. 

“Mack?”

“No thanks. But I’ll take a real beer.”

“Oh, haha. I’ll be right back. I’ve got winner, by the way.”

As soon as Deke was out of earshot, Mack paused the game. Fitz looked up, startled. 

“You know...relying on someone else isn’t a weakness.”

“Right, yeah...I know.”

“You and Simmons...you were always there for each other. Even when things weren’t the greatest, nothing could keep you apart.”

Fitz didn’t know what to say. 

“Look, I’m just saying that, yeah, she’s been there for you, but you’ve also been there for her through some pretty crazy things.”

“She told me...about everything.”

Mack made a face, but Fitz didn’t know what it meant.

“Mack, she’s amazing. I don’t think I’ve ever met anyone like her...I mean, there can’t be anyone else like her. I don’t want to ruin things.”

Footsteps were approaching from the hall and for some reason Fitz didn’t feel as comfortable having this conversation with Deke there. 

Mack sighed. “Maybe you need some space. Some time apart. But she loves you and you love her. Don’t forget that.”

With that Mack started the game again. 

“What did I miss?” Deke asked, passing out the bottles. 

“Oh, ah, not much,” Fitz said. “Just me losing to Mack.”

Fitz had thought that sitting there playing video games would be a complete waste of time. But it felt comfortable, familiar. 

He handed the controller back to Deke and took a drink from the bottle of clear liquid in his hand. It was disgusting. He wondered for a second if he was supposed to like this and then remembered how Mack had been shaking his head. So, no, then. But he choked it down out of politeness to Deke. He liked the guy, after all. But he’d really have to ask Jemma what kind of beer he liked. 

“Mack?”

“Yeah?”

The other two men were already engaged in an all out battle, and Mack had answered without moving his eyes from the screen. 

“Have we done this before?”

“We used to do this all the time. Do you remember something?”

Mack sounded so hopeful that Fitz felt a little bad about saying no.

“Not a memory. It’s more of a feeling.”

“That’s good then. Do you feel that a lot?”

Fitz thought for a minute. “With Jemma. In the lab. Sometimes when I’m with certain people…”

“Simmons said that might happen, right? Even if you don’t remember everything right away.”

Fitz snorted. He obviously hadn’t remembered anything “right away.”

Deke had been quiet. Quieter than Fitz had ever seen him. But then he spoke up. 

“What if you have that feeling when there is something physical to go along with it. Something to trigger the memory.”

Fitz just stared at the other man. He really was smart. Jemma should put him to work before someone else did. 

“Just think about it,” Deke continued. “Playing video games, and I’ve seen you in the lab...and Jemma.”

Deke looked uncomfortable for a second, but then shook his head. “There is something physical about all of those things that might help make the connection to the memory...or at least the feeling that it is familiar.”

Fitz nodded his head. 

“You know, Turbo,” Mack added. “You told me once that the brain keeps a backup of everything. That those memories are never really gone. You just need a way to access them.”

“Well, that’s right, of course. But then how come everything doesn’t seem familiar? This place...I don’t feel anything.”

“Well, look at that. Time for more drinks.” Deke stood quickly and Fitz looked at the empty bottle in his hand, realizing he must have finished his drink as they talked. Huh. Maybe Zima wasn’t so bad. “You want another?”

“I’ll take something stronger.”

“Something stronger, coming right up. Mack?”

Mack shook his head no and Deke disappeared again. 

“You...you didn’t spend much time here. We made this our base when we came back from the future. I think you might have been here once before you came to find us.”

Fitz huffed. So much for trying to remember a place he’d never been before. At least that gave him some hope though. He couldn’t remember it because he didn’t have any real memories of it. 

“So what _should_ I remember?”

“Here? Probably just us. The people. Except Deke. You’ve never met him before.”

“Yeah, Jemma said he’s new. But there is still something about him that seems familiar.”

* * *

They kept playing until they could hardly keep their eyes open, Deke and Fitz losing to Mack more and more frequently as they kept drinking and playing. 

Fitz felt relaxed and at ease, and found himself missing Jemma. It was strange, the way she made her way into his thoughts. It was like she belonged there, a part of him he couldn’t dislodge. Not that he would ever try to. 

“Jemma…” His mind filled with more of those fantasies that he couldn’t help wishing were actually real. 

“Alright there, Turbo?”

“Sure...fine.”

Fitz stood and promptly stumbled over his feet. Mack’s arm shot out to grab him. 

“You don’t seem fine,” he said with a chuckle.

Fitz scowled. He wanted Jemma. Or sleep. Yes, sleep. Then he could have dreams about Jemma. 

“Jus’ need to sleep,” Fitz slurred drowsily. Well, this was a nice feeling. 

Deke and Mack shared a look that Fitz did not appreciate. 

“Should we take him to Na-Jemma?” Deke finally asked. 

“She’ll know what to do with him,” Mack agreed. “Though I’m blaming you if she isn’t happy that he’s drunk.”

Drunk. Such a pleasant feeling. Everything felt so light and simple. A few minutes later, Fitz was standing in front of a gray door, frantically trying to smooth his hair and clothes. He should really try to make a good impression after how he’d left the last time. 

The door opened and he felt like his heart would burst. 

“Jemma.”

There she was, hair tumbling around her shoulders, looking sleepy and slightly alarmed. 

“What happened?” she asked, her gaze landing on Fitz before moving to Mack. 

“He...had a little bit too much to drink.” Mack said. 

Well that didn’t seem fair. Fitz was just being polite. It wasn’t his fault they’d wanting to keep talking and playing that game. 

“It’s the middle of the night.”

That seemed obvious. 

Deke interrupted before Fitz could manage to put words together. “We were just trying to help.”

Jemma raised her eyebrows and Fitz was glad her attention was still on Mack and Deke. She didn’t look happy. But then she sighed. 

“I’ll take care of Fitz, but the two of you are on your own.” She turned and gave Fitz a slight gesture to follow. 

He grinned at Deke and Mack, and Mack rolled his eyes in response. 

“Good luck. You are going to have a headache in the morning.”

Maybe, but as the door clicked shut behind him he found he didn’t really care. 

He looked around Jemma’s room. It was bigger than the one he’d been sleeping in. 

“This is _our_ room.”

The realization hit him differently than all of the other reminders of their relationship. He could picture this clearly in his mind. Sharing a space with her. Sharing a bed. 

Jemma nodded.

“I could...sleep here with you. That would be nice.” 

This could be how he ended every day. Alone with her, with her scent surrounding him. How he _had_ ended every day. 

He was so lost in his thoughts that he barely noticed her pushing him towards the bed. Half of it was rumpled and she tugged down the sheet on the undisturbed side. His side. Good to know what side of the bed he preferred to sleep on. The thought fluttered in and out of his mind as she started helping him get undressed. 

“This’s my side of the bed,” he mumbled, sitting heavily on the edge of the bed as she tugged off his shoes. 

“I should— I should go,” he finally got out through the fog that had settled over him. 

“Oh!” Her hands froze for a moment, resting on his chest as she unbuttoned his shirt. He reached a hand up to cover hers. When she spoke again her voice was quiet. “It’s alright. We’ve done this before.”

“I know.” He hadn’t meant for his voice to sound so deep, but it felt a little bit like his tongue was too big for his mouth. 

He looked into her eyes, hoping she would understand, and was surprised to see her look uncomfortable. “I meant before we were together.”

He felt his eyes go wide. “Right. Yeah. ‘Course.”

She laughed, helping him under the covers. “Nothing like that. We were always together, so it just made sense.”

Jemma’s hand stroked through his hair and he settled against the pillow. He hadn’t thought he’d end the night here, but it was so easy to relax around her. 

"You're so nice...and you smell good." Letting out a yawn he said the words that had been swimming around his brain. “Deke was talking about traveling the world. I thought I might go with him. We seem to have a lot in common.”

Jemma smiled at him and he couldn’t figure out why she’d be so happy about him talking about leaving. It didn’t seem to match up to the way she was touching him, her fingertips never seeming to leave him. 

“Not forever. Just until...until…” But he wasn’t sure what he wanted to say. Until he deserved her? Until he remembered? So he didn’t finish the thought. She didn’t seem to need him to anyway. 

She leaned down to press a chaste kiss to his cheek. 

“I just want you to be happy, Fitz.”

“You, Jemma. You make me happy.” 

He fell asleep to the sound of her voice in his ear and his hand wrapped around hers.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Find me on tumblr @LibbyWeasley


	6. Chapter 6

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> After spending the night together, Fitz and Jemma finally come to a decision about their future.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> We made it to the happy, fluffy part of this fic, so I hope you enjoy it. :) There will be one more short chapter after this...just so you know I'm serious about that happily every after.
> 
> A special thanks to @blancasplayground for all her encouragement.

Fitz woke up to a buzzing in his brain and a warm weight on his chest. He knew they hadn’t fallen asleep that way, but sometime during what remained of the night both of them had drifted towards the middle of the large bed. He was glad it had been mutual. That made it easier to enjoy the way her hair smelled as she tucked herself closer to him and the feel of her skin against his.

They just fit together. He didn’t want to wake her, but he couldn’t help wrapping his arm more tightly around her and running his fingers through her hair. She stirred and let out a small sigh. This felt right. Perfect. He wanted to wake up every day like this.

Talking to Mack last night had helped him sort through his confusion. He didn’t want to run from her. He wanted to be the man she thought he was. He wanted this. He knew they worked well together in the lab and her complete trust in him, even in sleep, gave him confidence in her feelings. He finally understood that his earlier attempts at just slipping into this life had been nothing more than hope and bravado.

But this...this was real. He could feel it. And he could feel the memories. Sometimes they were so close he could almost reach them. Jemma’s smile. A feeling of panic and adrenaline. Happiness. Deke was right. It wasn’t thinking about the memories that dredged them from the depths of his subconscious, it was experiencing this life. Little glimpses here and there were all he ever got. But it was enough.

Jemma lifted her head and smiled at him.

“Good morning, Fitz,” she said sleepily. “How are you feeling?”

“Much better.” Not even the slight pounding in his head could change the peace he felt in this moment. “Thank you...for last night. For everything.”

Fitz had worried Jemma would retreat once she woke up. That seemed to be how things worked between them — when one of them was ready to go for it, the other pulled back. But she didn’t move. If anything, she snuggled closer.

“Of course. What else could I do? It’s you.”

Neither of them moved. It was clear she wasn’t talking about last night. Or _just_ about last night. He knew she was struggling with everything that had happened, just as he was, but he didn’t know what to do. So he kissed her forehead and just held her close, stroking one hand through her hair. She didn’t pull away so he thought that had been the right thing to do.

Their breathing slowed, hearts beating in unison, and Fitz realized that even if he couldn’t remember anything from before, he could start making new memories with her now. This moment seemed like a good one to start with.

* * *

After the first morning they’d woken up together, Jemma noticed a change in Fitz. He was more confident, more flirtatious. More himself. He let her see moments of grumpiness along with the smiles he flashed at her when they were working on a tricky problem.

She had taken him at his word that he wanted to share their room again, and he only blushed a little and awkwardly rubbed the back of his neck when she asked him about it later.

Moving in together — again — had shifted their relationship. They hadn’t done anything except find each other in their sleep night after night, but Jemma was certain it didn’t come from a lack of interest on his part. The way she caught him looking at her sometimes when he thought she wouldn’t notice was practically sinful. But Fitz seemed committed to going slow. She would have laughed, but then she’d have to explain that they’d had that conversation before. It was enough that he was acting so wonderfully himself.

It was almost like everything was back to normal, though May still hadn’t returned to the base. Sometimes Jemma wondered if she ever would. If she hadn’t found Fitz, had to let him go… Well, luckily it hadn’t come to that. But in May’s shoes, Jemma thought she might just leave all of this behind and never come back. Too many memories filled every second of the day.

Mack kept the team busy, but there hadn’t been any threats they hadn’t been able to handle quickly, leaving Fitz, Jemma, and Deke plenty of time in the lab, as well as plenty of time for Fitz and Jemma to do things they hadn’t done in years — like watching Dr. Who and staying up late talking about their ideas — and things they'd never done — like going to the movies or taking long walks in the sunshine.

But now they were preparing to go into the field. Given that it was the first time Fitz was going in the field since he got home, it wasn’t surprising that he was nervously checking and rechecking his bag.

“Fitz...we are just evaluating a scene. Looking for any evidence that will tell Mack where to go next. We’ve done this before.”

“Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. Right. I know.”

Jemma smiled at his clear nervousness and reached out a hand to his shoulder. “I’ll be right there with you. We can do it together.”

He covered her hand with his and looked at her, his blue gaze piercing.

“Jemma, I—“

But whatever he was about to say was cut off by the sound of an alarm echoing through the base.

They ran towards the control room, anxiety fueling their steps. The gray corridors all looked the same and only months of living in the base allowed their feet to instinctively move in the right direction. But once they arrived, Jemma pulled up short when she saw who had set off the alarm entering the base.

“May?”

Jemma’s head turned toward the sound of Fitz’s voice. The look of confusion on his face almost certainly mirrored her own. And she wasn’t the only one.

“Do you remember Agent May?” Mack’s voice rumbled.

“Oh, ah, no. Sorry.” He shot an apologetic glance at May. “It just...came to me.”

“That’s alright, Fitz. I’m just glad you’re home.” May’s words were succinct, but the expression on her face betrayed deeper emotions.

“And we're so glad _you’re _back,”__ Jemma said.

“Did I interrupt something, director?” May asked.

“FitzSimmons were about to work their magic…”

“It isn’t magic —“ they both started to say before sharing a smile.

“Yeah, sure.” Mack said, cutting them off. Then he turned to May. “But we could use a pilot.”

May’s nod was the only sign she gave, but Jemma thought it looked like a very pleased sort of nod.

They weren’t in the quinjet long before they reached their destination. They landed on top of what appeared to be a normal office building — brick facade, evenly spaced windows — but seemed to have some sort of medical lab inside. A medical lab that wasn’t working on anything related to human biology.

Jemma gave Fitz a reassuring smile and squeezed his hand as they walked towards the stairwell leading from the roof down to the 23rd floor where the lab was located. Everything was going smoothly and Jemma breathed a sigh of relief as they reached the solid door with the number 23 in large, bold font.

Daisy opened the door, making sure the hallway was clear, before gesturing for everyone else to follow. This floor was supposed to be empty, but they had learned more than once that they could never be too careful. The generic patterned carpeting and light gray walls were the definition of understated office building. It was probably meant to relieve suspicion, but for some reason Jemma found it odd. Out of place.

They had nearly reached the door to suite 2302 — the location of the lab — when there was a flurry of movement from the end of the hall and the loud sound of a gun firing.

Before Jemma could react she found herself pushed up against the wall, tucked into a small alcove with Fitz’s body between her and the shooter. His hand pulled her head tightly into his shoulder, protecting her from whatever was out there. She felt a moment of panic that he would be hurt before remembering that Daisy and May were with them.

Her heart swelled — and anger flared — at his unconscious response to danger.

“All clear,” Daisy yelled from the end of the corridor.

Jemma lifted her head and looked into those blue eyes she knew so well.

“FitzSimmons, you okay?” May’s voice was nearby and Jemma answered.

“Yes. We’re fine.”

Then quieter, she added, “Fitz, you didn’t need to do that.”

“Jemma...I can’t…if something happened to you.”

“I know. But that is what the ICER is for.” She gestured towards his hip and then noticed that the hand that wasn’t wrapped around her gripped the ICER tightly.

He stepped back now that it seemed that the danger had passed and Jemma looked over his shoulder at Daisy.

“We should probably get to the lab. They obviously know we’re here, but I can hold them off for a few minutes.”

“Of course,” Jemma agreed, moving past Fitz and into the hallway. They still had work to do after all.

* * *

Later that night, Fitz replayed the mission over and over again as he paced around their small room. He had been scared when he’d heard that gunshot, but he hadn’t hesitated to put himself between Jemma and danger. He knew she wasn’t exactly happy about that, but what else was he supposed to do?

It had felt right to protect her. He’d do it again if he had the chance, though he kind of hoped they wouldn’t keep finding themselves in those types of situations.

He sat down on the bed and tried to think of a way to explain it to Jemma. He was still sitting there an hour later when the doorknob turned and Jemma came to sit next to him.

“Fitz --”

“No, Jemma. I’m sorry. I know you didn’t need me to do that.”

She was silent for a moment and then she took his hand.

“Do you know how many times you’ve saved me? From the day we met you’ve always been there for me when I needed you.”

“Tell me?”

Jemma shook her head and took his face in her hands. “I’ve already told you.”

“You told me about the good things, but I know there must be more.”

“It never mattered as long as I was with you.”

Fitz turned her words over. It didn’t seem real, but it also felt right. He covered her hands with his and then moved them to cup her cheeks. If his memories -- or feelings -- were triggered by touch, then maybe he should try that. Deke seemed to be on to something with that.

As soon as his fingertips grazed her cheeks her eyes drifted closed and she leaned towards him. He moved one hand to the back of her head and used the other to pull her closer. When their lips met he felt a spark between them. Their lips slid gently against one another. This kiss wasn’t the intense kiss they had shared in the lab. It was something else. Something sweet. Something gentle. Something he thought could last forever.

Jemma leaned closer to him and they tumbled backwards on the bed. Their lips finally parted at the movement and Fitz looked at her bright eyes and flushed cheeks as they laid side by side. He felt happy and he never wanted this moment to end.

“I love you.” The words came unbidden to his lips, but he wanted to say them over and over. It was a rhythm beating from his heart.

“How could you possibly know that?” Jemma looked slightly alarmed. “You don’t have to say that when you don’t remember everything.”

“I don’t need to remember. Everything I need to know is here.” Fitz took her hand and placed it over his heart where a steady heartbeat pounded beneath their joined fingers. “I can feel it. You are the pieces of me that were missing, not the memories.”

Jemma stared at him, searching his face for answers. But then she started to smile.

“I sense I’m the romantic one in this relationship,” he added, trying to make the moment a little less intense.

Jemma seemed to make a decision and then rolled on top of him.

“I love you, Fitz.”

And those were the last intelligible words she said for a long time.


	7. Chapter 7

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This is it. Thank you for joining me (and sticking around through the angsty part). Now it's all happily ever after. As always, a big thank you to @blancasplayground for helping me figure out what I really wanted to say. She's the best!

**10 Years Later**

Fitz looked around the messy house, almost tripping over a stray shoe, and thought there wasn’t a better way to spend his birthday. His life was full of friends and family — more of both than he ever thought possible — a house with a garden and plenty of room, and enough projects to keep him busy for a lifetime. It was like his life had begun the day Jemma woke him up, and in some ways it did even if he knew there were things that had come before. Everything that had happened since then had been leading them here, to this future, and in the last ten years he had amassed enough happy memories for a lifetime. Maybe not memories he had remembered, but memories that they had made. 

He sat at the table, as instructed, and waited for the rest of his family. As she entered the dining room, Jemma, the love of his life and the reason for his good fortune, gave him a smile as she balanced a cake in one hand and a toddler on the opposite hip. He really was the luckiest man in the world. 

He reached out to take the cake off her hands and drop a kiss on the chubby cheek of the little girl, and was delighted to see the swirls of cream cheese frosting on top of what was sure to be a banana cake. His mouth watered just thinking about it. No matter how crazy their lives had gotten — and at times their lives were _very_ crazy — they always made time to do special things for each other. 

His thoughts turned to the project he’d been working on for her birthday. He still had 23 days to finish it and it didn’t seem like any of the children had spilled the beans yet. That was a record. Ever since Maddie had learned to talk, it seemed like Jemma’s birthday surprises never remained an actual surprise. 

He set the cake on the table as Max and Maddie slid into their chairs. 

“Did you wash your hands?” he asked. 

Maddie nodded and immediately replied, “Yes, of course. Did you know the average hand has over 150 species of bacteria living on it?” Sometimes she was so much like her mother it was scary. 

Fitz nodded sagely. “Yes, I had heard something like that.”

Max on the other hand looked sheepish and ran out of the room. From experience Fitz knew he’d return in about 30 seconds, hands still dripping water. But that just seemed to be part of being a five-year-old boy. At eight, Maddie sometimes seemed so incredibly grown up that Fitz was worried they were missing some important moments. Jemma assured him that time was moving along as it always had, but there was no way Maddie was the baby they had brought home eight years ago with no idea what to do with the small bundle wrapped in a pink blanket. 

But then Max had come along, and two years ago they had brought Evie home from the hospital to Max and Maddie’s delight. Jemma finished settling Evie into her chair and turned her radiant smile on Fitz. He still didn’t quite understand how she could love him so much, but he’d given up on trying to analyze it. He trusted her and loved her in return. That was enough. Plus, the last ten years had taught him not to question some things. Sometimes it was enough to just feel. 

The doorbell chimed from the front hall and Fitz looked up in surprise. 

“Oh, that will be Deke,” Jemma said cheerfully. 

“Jemma, you didn’t…”

“Of course I did. He’s family and he’s in town. I believe he has a big surprise planned for you.”

Fitz grumbled, but only under his breath. Another thing he had learned not to question was Jemma’s fondness for Deke. He liked Deke well enough but their relationship had its limits — as they had learned when they tried to do some traveling together just after Fitz and Jemma left SHIELD for good. 

Finding out he already had a grandson had come as a bit of a shock, but it also confirmed the truth of everything he felt, all of those little glimpses of his past. If there was some version of reality where he was with Jemma for the rest of their lives and they’d had a child and grandchild, then there was hope for them, which was all he needed to jump in and never look back. And look at what it had gotten him.

“Happy Birthday, Bobo!” 

Though the greeting had been for him, Fitz hadn’t had time to do anything but offer a perfunctory hello before the children surrounded Deke. Even Evie was raising her chubby arms, wanting to be picked up. Traitors.

“Don’t be cross, Fitz.” 

Jemma sat down right next to him and he could smell her shampoo. Pleasant memories of having his arms wrapped around her while she washed her hair that morning put him in a much better mood.

“I’m not cross. I’m just hungry. I thought it was tea time.” Almost on cue, his stomach rumbled, and he raised an eyebrow at her.

“Just let them say hello first and then we’ll cut the cake. It wouldn’t do to let you starve on your birthday,” she teased. “And later tonight, once everyone is asleep, I’ll give you your birthday present.”

Her voice was low and he thought he detected desire in her tone. “I thought you already gave me a birthday present this morning.”

Jemma pushed at his shoulder. “Ugh, Fitz. Sex is not a birthday present.”

His eyes darted around the room, but no one was paying the slightest bit of attention to them. 

“Well, it was very nice...and it was a bit of a surprise.”

“Yes, it was. But that wasn’t for your birthday. That was just because I love you.”

“So, what’s my birthday present then? Because I’m not sure you can outdo _that_.”

She let her hand rest on his thigh and leaned closer to whisper in his ear. “Actually, I’m pretty sure I can, but you are still going to have to wait.”

He thought he still detected a promise of something in her voice, but decided to let it wait. There was cake to be eaten after all.

* * *

Fitz laid back on the bed, having just convinced Maddie to put her book down for the night. He had no illusions that she wasn’t just reading with a torch under her covers, but he had done his job in turning out the lights and pretending he didn’t know what she was up to. Evie had fallen asleep long before the celebrations had finally wrapped up, her head tucked against his shoulder. Even at two she was long past the baby days where she would let him just hold her. Only in sleep did she allow that sort of thing. But keeping up with Deke had finally proved to be too much for her and she had settled into his arms without protest.

Jemma had tucked Max in and was making sure Deke was settled into the guest bedroom. Fitz knew he should wait for her, but he was having trouble keeping his eyes open. It really had been a long day. His eyes drifted closed and he started to hope she wouldn’t be long. 

“Fitz,” Jemma whispered into his ear. 

“Wha-- I’m awake.” Dammit. He must have fallen asleep after all.

“Of course you are,” she agreed, laying her head on his shoulder after he extended an arm to wrap around her.

“I think this was my best birthday yet,” he said, pressing a kiss to her temple. That he could remember at least. 

“It isn’t over yet.”

“Yeah?”

“You know that experiment we were working on?”

“Mmm-hmm.” That was one of his favorite experiments ever.

“Well, we have finally gotten some positive results.”

“Really?” He tried to sit up, excitement giving him energy, but Jemma pushed him back down.

His eyes were getting watery and he felt like his smile would split his face.

“Jemma...this life is everything I have ever dreamed of.” Or he thought it was. If at some point he had ever wanted something other than this, then he was smarter now. 

She gave a little laugh and he let the hand that wasn’t wrapped around her drift down to her stomach.

“You used to have other dreams, you know.”

“Did I?” He pulled her closer, thankful for whatever he did all those years ago that led to them being together right now. “This is the only one that mattered.”

That much was true. Maybe he hadn’t known to dream this, but if he had he would have wanted this from the beginning. From time to time he felt glimpses of what he had started to think of as his life “before.” Before Jemma had woken him up. But it seemed like that was the moment everything changed. Falling in love with her -- again -- had opened his eyes to everything that was right in the world, and their family had been the scientific proof of that theory. He didn’t need memories to know how right this was. 

“I love you.” she murmured into his neck where she was currently leaving a trail of kisses that made his heart beat faster.

“I love you too, Jemma. So much.” He tilted his head down to capture her lips, hoping she could feel everything he felt.

“Happy birthday, Fitz.”

“Thank you Jemma. This really is the best birthday ever.”

**Author's Note:**

> I'd love to hear what you think! You can find me on tumblr @LibbyWeasley


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